Update...Lisa told me to!

Haven't written in a while.. well theres a lot going on in my life.. not all that I would share on here lol.. Today was an alright day... life is looking up right now...

Shay, is one of the sweetest girls! I dont know why she thinks she's so fat, she's beautiful. I hope one day she'll look in the mirror and realize that one of the worlds prettiest girls is staring back at her.

Daniel is my fiancee! hehe....He is such an awesome kid, I cant even explain it.

I've been really emotional these past couple weeks/months, I hope in time things smoothen out, but I know they won't till I find the one true friend I need, it really stinks.... Life is so difficult.

School rocks... I really need to do well! or else... lol

I thank God for blessing me with all my friends, He's really done some amazing things, and put some amazing people in my life, and I cant thank Him enough. One day I hope I can quit being an idiot and realize what I'm missing out on, my TRUE best friend.

Well, I said all I need to say, I love you guys, and have a great night, if you ever need to talk, remember I'm here for you and will always try my best to bring you up, I love you!

College

So far college is indescribable,  God is moving in such extreme amazing supernatural ways. We are ticking Satan off big time, and feel the repercussions, but God's authority is so much higher! SATAN CAN NOT FACE HIM AND WIN! The demons quake at just His Name. MY SUMMER ROCKED!... God blessed me, and taught me so much. The Holy Spirt rained down from heaven on this college!

Basically... its beyond words!!! We are talking about God here...pretty much He, and this summer were AMAZING!!!

Wahoo!

College has started everyone! I will update, but rarely. I thought I would update you on my progress....yes, I'm still cutting but I'm trying to stop. I'm really trying, even if you don't believe me. So here's the updates on my wonderfully exciting life.

I am in 4 classes...Intro to the Bible, Intro to Christian Education, English Composition, and Bible Study Methods. They are all pretty good except for Intro to the Bible. I think it's boring.

I made 3 new friends ALREADY. I have Amber, Lisa, Rachel. I know other people. But those are the only 3 I would consider friends as of right now.

Let me tell you all something, Lisa is going to be the coolest person I know here. I love her so much! She is my BEST FRIEND, ya'll! I know I've only known her for 5 days, but she is already my best friend...she has helped me out so much these past 5 days. I can't wait till October...she's coming over to my house for Fall Break. She rocks...and hopefully we'll grow closer as sisters and as friends.

Well, I'm bored so I'm signing off, but I will talk to you all later.

Currently Reading His Princess: Love Letters from Your King (His Princess) By Sheri Rose Shepherd see related

Bad ending to a good week!

Well, during the week I had been feeling pretty low. I looked on the Internet for some possible 24-hour help lines. I found this Samaritan's hotline. I called them first, and I asked them what they were all about. The lady said they were just there if someone just needed to talk to someone, they were just there to listen. I tried talking about everything, but it wasn't enough. They were not there to give advice or fix problems, just listen, and it wasn't enough. So, I went on-line Wednesday and found a number to a teen hotline in Mesa, AZ. I called and I talked to this really sweet teenage girl. We talked about my suicidal feelings and then my dad got mad at me and wanted to talk to me, because earlier I told my mom that I wanted to stop my medication I was on. She said to call back after I talked to them. So, I did. She said, "Did you tell them about your suicidal thoughts?" I said, "No, but I don't think that I need my best friend to be here now, I just need someone on the phone for support." She offered to stay on the phone while I told them. She was like forcing me to tell them, so I did. She said a lot, "I don't want to get off the phone with you till I'm going to be sure you're okay. How can I make sure?" She was helpful, asking me questions and everything. She told me she was very proud of me for telling my parents.

Thursday I was on-line and I checked MySpace and I got a comment from my old friend, Caitlin. I hadn't talked to Caitlin in a long time, because we weren't getting along. It was a cute comment though. It was a picture of the little girl, Boo from Monsters Inc. holding up a sign saying, "I miss you, dork!" So, I IM'd Caitlin. We apologized to each other and cleared the air between us. We were cool again. We made plans to get together Sunday after church and spend the afternoon together and go to church that night together. I was so excited and looked forward to it all week! I had tried calling her Friday and Saturday but she didn't answer.

Sunday I got up at 9 and I ironed my clothes and I didn't need to do my hair because I got it cut on Saturday and it looked like it was already styled. So, we all got ready to go. When we got to church I sat with my family because the choir wasn't singing today. Great, my last Sunday in church here and I can't sing in the choir. Matt led worship today. We sang 4 songs today. We sang "Did You Feel The Mountains Tremble" "Not To Us" "Sing To The King" and "How Great Is Our God." I really like "How Great Is Our God," but my new favorite song has got to be "How Great Thou Art."

Pastor David was back today and he preached on Lazarus and the rich man. It was pretty good, it was actually pretty insightful too. I mean, reading through how the rich man had everything and when he died and went to Hell, he still treated Lazarus like he was just a beggar. I mean, that's why today the big idea was "What we do here affects what we'll do there!" It was just an all-around good sermon. I was paying attention, but I was also thinking about Caitlin. I wanted to chill with her more than anything, but I wasn't going to hold my breath, because none of our plans were ever carried out. His jokes today.
1. The translation for today: bling
2. The rich man didn't commit a big sin, he didn't steal, he didn't kill JonBenet Ramsey.
3. I'm serious, 1 out of every 1 people die.
4. I heard when you die it's like you see a light at the end of the tunnel. I wonder if it's really Jesus, or if a train is coming in my direction.
5. Jesus still does miracles, I can still get up.
6. Who here wants me to choose where your friends spend eternity? No one raised their hands, good.

After church, I went with my dad to get my brother. I called Caitlin on the way and I left her a message and I told her she didn't answer like she promised, but I wasn't surprised. Then I saw Valerie and I gave her a hug and told her good-bye because it was my last week at church. She was surprised, I had never told her. Then we got my brother and then we left to go home. On the way home, my dad said that I had asked him if he could bring me to Caitlin's and my mom was like, "No way! She lives too far away!" I was like, "Mom, it's not that far. You act like it's hours away, it's not that bad." They were pretty insistent and I was pretty upset. I got home and went in my room and I saw an IM from Caitlin and she said she wasn't coming over because she didn't like the message I left on her voice mail. I was so upset, I tried everything to get her to still come over.

I left my room and talked to my mom about how much I wanted to see Caitlin and this was pretty much my last chance. So, since my sister's birthday is today they were going to go get her a new bed and my mom finally gave in and said she would take me to Caitlin's and we could hang out while my mom and sister went shopping. We were on our way to Caitlin's house and I prayed the whole time that Caitlin wouldn't be mad and that it would all work out. Well, Caitlin wasn't home, but her mom said she would let Caitlin know that I stopped by. I was so depressed, I wanted to see Caitlin sooo bad. We ended up shopping at ByDesign and Bed, Bath, and Beyond so my sister could get a new bed and bedding and all that stuff. When we got home, I turned my computer on, because I thought for sure that Caitlin was going to IM me about going to her house. She didn't though.

Later that night, I was watching tv and I fell asleep. Then my mom woke me up and said my sister made her birthday cake and that we were going to eat so I got up but I didn't want to. We ate cake, yum! Then I went on-line. I talked to Amy, Rachel, Shannon, and Kathy. Caitlin was back from receiving IM's on her phone...I was very surprised she didn't IM me, so I IM'd her. She was so pissed. She said, "DON'T EVER COME TO MY HOUSE WHEN I SAY I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE." She said, "I could take your ass to court, do you not understand that?" I was scared senseless so I did cut again that night. I couldn't help myself. Lord, help me! Picture time: Alexa Vega

Weekly Verses- Luke 16:19-31, Psalm 5:5, Psalm 139:4, Proverbs 10:19, Jeremiah 9:24, Ephesians 5:6, James 5:12

Weekly Challenges:
Mon- Confess the sins of exaggeration you've committed that God's Spirit brings to your mind right now.
Tues- Recall the last time you embellished on a story and figure out what prompted you to exaggerate.
Wed- Pray that God will help you to speak only the truth.
Thurs- Decide now that next time, you will resist the temptation to super size your stories.
Fri- Skim a newspaper or magazine until you find an example of exaggeration and think about how it affects the speaker's or writer's credibility.

Currently Reading ttyl (Talk to You Later) By Lauren Myracle see related

One of the best weeks EVER!

I had a very awesome week. On Monday Kristan and I hung out because we didn't get to last week. So, Kristan called me at around 10:30 to get directions. My mom had to tell her. Then I got ready to go out with her. So, she picked me up and told me we were going to go out to eat. She asked where I wanted to go. I said, "I don't know, let's go over by the mall, there's some places there." So, we drove over by the mall. She looked around, she said, "Ruby Tuesday! Do you wanna eat there?" I said, "Sure." So, we went there. I only ordered a root beer and mozzerella sticks and she got the salad bar. I got mine and I waited for her to get her salad. She got back, she asked me to say grace so I did. Then after we ate, we headed back to my house. After we got back, she said she wanted to meet my mom. First of all, though, I had told her about a friend of mine and how she hurt herself like I did. I told her how she had said her boyfriend had grabbed her arms, looked in her eyes, and said, "You need to stop." I had told Kristan I wanted her to do that for me and she said, "Ok, then let me do it." She grabbed my arms, looked in my eyes, and said, "You need to stop hurting yourself, Erin." I tell ya, it was hard keeping my eyes locked on hers. Then I gave her the note I wrote her. I told her there was one part I wanted her to read now. So, I showed her where it was and she read it. It said I wanted her to pray over me before college but I would like her to lay her hands on my head because that's the only time I ever felt God. So, she did exactly what I asked. I felt an amazing surge of God's power flow through Kristan the minute her hands touched my head. Then we went inside and I showed her my room. Then she met my mom and sister. Then I lent her this devotional called "God Is In The Small Stuff." I had a great day with her, I love that girl. I do I do.

Wednesday was my orientation for college. We drove there on Tuesday and stayed at a hotel. Then Wednesday we went to college and when we got there we met some other students and had a doughnut. Then we went into the chapel and we sang "Come Now Is The Time To Worship." The president did a devotional. Then all the staff gave speeches. Then all the students took the Bible test, that was hard. Then we ate spaghetti for lunch. Then we went back and took the asset test (too easy.) Then we signed up for classes and got registered and all....long long long 7 hours, but fun too.

Friday, well yeah, Friday was fine during the day. At around 7:30 something put me in a really bad mood. I'm not sure what though. It was one of those weird feelings where I either feel all emotions at once or nothing at all. So, I tried talking to someone on-line but no one was answering and the one that was could care less. So, I called the 3 friends I had that I thought would be the most compassionate or helpful. That would be Erin, Kristan, and Kristin. Neither of them where there, so I left a message for each of them to call me. Erin called back first...darn, I was so mean to her. I was arrogant and for the first time denied God could fix this problem. She said, "Can I pray for you?" I said, "I don't know, I don't think anything can fix this." She asked me if I thought God wasn't bigger than this, and I said no. She said she was going to pray because she wanted to and she knew He could fix this. So, she did. As she was praying Kristin beeped in. I told Erin, "Hold on just a sec." So, I clicked over and asked Kristin if she could call back in like 10 minutes. So, then I clicked back over to Erin and she finished praying. Then she had to go because her cell was dying. So, I let her go. Then Kristin called back and she said she would pray for me but I should listen to some music from church and I know she got REALLY frustrated that she couldn't help. Then later Kristan called me and she said I should make a to-do list because I felt this way because I felt helpless. I decided I was just going to sleep it off. I did cut though, because I had to do something.

Saturday at around 6 I called Erin. She picked up and I basically told her I know I was arrogant and rude to her on Friday. I said, "I wanted to thank you for being patient with me while I tried to explain what I was feeling. I also wanted to say thank you for praying, I know I said I didn't really think it would help. Out of all my friends that called me that night, you helped the most. I know I acted differently, but I don't want you to think that you didn't help, because you did a lot. I also wanted to say I am sorry for being arrogant. You are a really really sweet girl and you didn't deserve it." She said, "Well, thank you for calling. Thank you for apologizing to me, that means a lot coming from you." That made me feel really happy. So, I let her go, but I just had to call and tell her that.

This morning I was going to church at my friend, Amy's church because the choir wasn't singing at Forest Hill. But Forest Hill did sing "Wholly Yours" "Not To Us" "Just Like You" "Let My Words Be Few" and "Add To The Beauty." Plus, this was my last chance to see Amy before I left for college. So, I got up at 9 and got dressed and did my hair. My dad drove me to Amy's church. At first, I didn't see her but then I did. So, I met up with her. We sat down together. We had the welcome and announcements. We had the prelude which was "I Surrender All." Then we sang two praise songs "Offering" and "The Lord Is Good." We had the prayer of praise and ministry update. Then this brother/sister group did this musical praise thing for "I'll Join The Rocks." That was really cool. Then we sang the hymn "Lavish Love, Abundant Beauty." We had the sermon on "The Weeds Out and the Word In." Then we gave our tithes and offerings, after the prayer of thanksgiving. We ended with the hymn "The Solid Rock" and the benediction. Then afterwards Amy was going to pray over me, so we walked towards the back of the church. We went in the mission room, I think. Then we talked a little bit. I told her basically what I wanted prayer for, college and the stress that comes with it. So, she laid her hand on my shoulder and prayed. She's very good and I believe God's using her in a mighty way. I believe one of her spiritual gifts could be intercessory. Then she gave me a hug and she told me she knows I can do it. Then she said she got me something as a good-bye gift. It's this sweet little book called "His Princess Love Letters From Your King." I love it so much. I told her "Thank you" as I gave her a hug. Amy is just too sweet. Then her sister, brother, and she took me home. I told her I would miss her and I gave her one last hug goodbye. I am going to miss her greatly. She's wonderful and I wish I would've gotten to spend more time with her.

I got home and I was so tired. I read the comics. I ate a bowl of Corn Pops. Then I changed into jeans and climbed into bed for a short nap, dang, I was sooo tired. Then I woke up at about 2. Then for some odd reason, I had the desire to go to Faith Family tonight. So, I told my mom that I wanted to go to Faith Family tonight. It would've been cool to have Amy go with me though. So, first my dad, mom, and sister went to George's garden to get tomatoes and his mail and to get gas. They got back and had some icky meal so I had some cheese and crackers just to get some energy for church tonight.

My mom took me to church tonight. I said "Hi" to Tiffany and I gave her a hug. Then I said "Hey" to Jessica and gave her a hug and I showed both of them that "His Princess" book that Amy gave me. Then we prayed and sang "What A Mighty God We Serve" "This Is The Day" "When The Praises Go Up" "The Windows Of Heaven" and "Eagle's Wings" Then Pastor Larry's son, Josiah said a blessing over the offering, because Hannah wouldn't. Then we sang "This Joy I Have." Then Travis sang a special and Rhonda sang a special. Rhonda's was called "Cause He Has Forgiven Me." I liked it and it made me think a lot of what I had been doing. I caught up with Rhonda before she went into drama, I said I needed to talk to her...but it might be tough because tonight and Wed she had a meeting to go to. Then Pastor Larry preached on being double minded. Like you know God can do anything, but we always limit Him by saying, "I know, but..." So, we had an altar call for a few people with health problems that Pastor Larry saw and anyone that was wanting to walk God's way but was being held back. Then we were dismissed. I met up with Rhonda and we were going to talk, but I realized that I needed more time with her to talk. Then I called my dad to pick me up. I called Shannon too. Then at about 9:17 Erin called me back, because I called her telling her I wanted to ask her something. She said, "I'm out of town so I can't really talk, but I have time to answer a question." I said, "Yeah, I know the answer already, but I thought I should ask anyway. I know I already apologized for being arrogant and all but I wanted to ask if you forgive me." She said, "Ok, of course I do." I said, "I know, I just felt like I should ask." I told her about how church reminded me of our Friday convo. She said, "It's over, no need to rehash it." Then she said, "Thanks for calling and asking my forgiveness." Man, I love that girl!

Pictures of the week: Alexa Nikolas

Weekly Verses: Leviticus 26:11, Deuteronomy 31:6, Psalm 94:14, Psalm 66:20, Isaiah 53:3, Zepheaniah 3:19, Luke 6:22, Luke 9:21-22, Romans 8:28, Romans 8:38-39, James 1:19-21 and 1 Peter 2:4-5

Weekly Challenges:
Mon- Thank God that He had promised never to abandon you.
Tues- Ask God to forgive you for the times you've rejected people.
Wed- Meditate on the persecution Jesus suffered on your behalf.
Thurs- Consciously forgive someone who has rejected you.
Fri- Fearlessly share your faith with someone today.
Sat- Think about what it means to be rejected and write in your journal about how it applies to your life.